


Creative Swear Words And Where To Find Them

by CaptainJimothyCarter



Series: Winterhawk Bingo [12]
Category: Agent Carter (TV), Captain America (Movies), Hawkeye (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: Alternative swearing words, Clint Barton is a dork, Deaf Clint Barton, F/M, M/M, Steggy - Freeform, Steggy Kid, Stegling kids, WinterHawk Bingo, bucky is a dork, clintbucky - Freeform, creative swearing, fluff and semi angst, winterhawk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:46:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27595006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainJimothyCarter/pseuds/CaptainJimothyCarter
Summary: Clint curses and yet he knows when to rein it in. Sometimes. He also tries not so much to curse around kids, but as life goes, that's not always so easy. Especially when the kid you're babysitting is a serum-advanced eight-month-old baby of Steve and Peggy. Insert him now trying to find alternative swear words while Bucky laughs on.
Relationships: Clint Barton & Peggy Carter, Clint Barton & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes & Peggy Carter, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton, Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers
Series: Winterhawk Bingo [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1891774
Comments: 4
Kudos: 32
Collections: Winterhawk Bingo Round Two





	Creative Swear Words And Where To Find Them

**Author's Note:**

> For WH Bingo Square: Creative Swearing

“When I said we’d babysit the little gremlin for them, I didn’t expect them to take us up on our offer,” Clint sighed, dropping his hands from the steering wheel. He refused to look at Bucky, staring straight ahead at the cottage home that seemed so oddly placed in the middle of Brooklyn.

“Really? You didn’t think Steve nor Peggy would take people up on their offers, Clint? When someone says,  _ ‘tell us if you need anything,’  _ that’s a blanket excuse! We’re lucky Pegs didn’t ask for something worst than babysitting. Besides…” The man was all grins as he shrugged his broad shoulders, pulling his boyfriend closer to his chest. “It gives us time alone, away from the others,  _ and  _ to babysit some baby whose probably asleep at this time. It’ll be easy.”

“See, when you say easy, it’s often anything,  _ but  _ easy. Remember the geese incident?” 

Still, Clint had to admit, it was nice being pressed against Bucky’s chest. He was warm amongst the cold creeping into their car now that they’ve been sitting here for a while.

“That wasn’t my fault! I told you to get Lucky and Jeff away from those things. You were to lure them away, not have them chase you.”

Without even looking up, Clint knew the guy was smirking into his hair. He could hear it in his voice. It made him grumble something about  _ idiot  _ into his chest.

“Besides - what’s wrong with kids? You  _ like  _ kids!”

The blonde sighed, pushing himself off of Bucky to grip at the wheel again. This time his knuckles were white, gripping around the wheel. He could feel his boyfriend’s eyes on him and without even looking over, he knew how they would be wrinkled around the edges in worry. How his eyes would turn this soft shade of silver that looks almost white in the darkness when he’s worried about Clint. It always strikes a dagger into his heart, regarding how much this man loved him and in the best and worst ways.

“I do,” he finally explained, watching the silhouette of a broad figure move in the living room. “It’s just...some habits remain? The circus life was never for kids, Buck, so I never grew up around kids, I grew up around mean-spirited adults. I never knew how to act like a kid, so I never know how to...treat them? It’s fine and dandy when they’re infants because they don’t know the world beyond maybe whose your parents but Chester? He’s trying to talk and knowledgeable and I don’t wanna fuck anything up.”

_ Ah. _

Bucky sighed out of his nose as he pushed the middle out of the way and slid over in the driver’s seat so Clint was uncomfortably crammed into his lap. His hand rested on the side of the man’s neck, laying his head on his shoulder with his lips pressed against his temple.

“I can’t promise how easy this will be, alright?” He whispered the words rumbling in his chest. “This  _ is  _ Steve and Peggy’s kid, after all. Knowing them, this toddler already knows how to dismantle a gun before he can even talk.”  _ There’s  _ that little chuckle that made him feel better. “I  _ can  _ promise you that it will be alright, okay? You’re not some...child-hating fend. You know how to take care of kids. Besides, everyone starts somewhere, alright? Might as well be with a toddler that can bounce back and kick our asses.”

Clint’s hand gently smacked Bucky’s chest with a roll of his eyes. He looked a little better as he pulled away, rubbing their noses together as they kissed. “Okay,” he sighed. “I’ll follow your lead then.”

As expected, Steve welcomed them with too much of a bright smile for it to be seven at night and way too tight of hugs. He did have that exhausted dad look with the bags under his eyes, but he shrugged it off with ease as he brought the pair inside and closed the door after them.

“Thank you so much for doing this last minute, guys,” he sighed, leading them to the cozy kitchen. “You have no idea what this means to us.”

“You two deserve a break,” Bucky mused, shrugging his shoulders as he took one of the chairs and sat down in it. “You’ve been superheroing in between raising the next toddler Captain America, I think that deserves a break.”

“Har-har,” Steve huffed, rolling his eyes. “He’s a normal kid, Bucky.”

Clint snorted, causing Steve to whirl his head around to where the man leaned into the side of the counter, arms loosely crossed over his chest. He looked more amused than anything right now.

“Please. You and Peggy? Bucky and I have a bet going on if the kid’s first words will be  _ bloody hell  _ or ma.”

“He better well say mummy,” Peggy scoffed from behind them, causing Bucky to jump in the chair. “I will not have any of this ma’. It’s cute when Steve says it, but not my child.”

She smiled warmly at them in greeting, dipping her head down to kiss Bucky’s temple before hugging Clint around the waist. She always felt a little shorter than normal next to him, even in heels. “As Steve said, thank you so much for doing this. We just wanted to get out for the evening, I almost feel selfish for saying that.”

“You’re not,” Steve countered, pulling his wife by the waist and into his frame. “You’re human and a parent and parents deserve breaks. God knows my ma did.”

“You were at my house every other weekend because of it,” Bucky snorted, rubbing at the red lipstick left on his skin. “Steve is right, Pegs, you two deserve a break. We have Chester handled and all - where is the little tyke?”

“Asleep,” she mused. “We ate dinner a little early so he’d be asleep most of the time that you two are here. He might wake up within an hour or two. If he does, just play with him. He’ll tucker himself out. We should be back by ten - ten thirty at the latest.”

“You two go have fun,” Clint sighed, waving his hand to rush the pair out. “Go do whatever parents do when they don’t have kids - just don’t make another one.”

It was Peggy’s turn to roll her eyes, Steve sticking his tongue out over his wife’s head. She paused in step, sending Steve off to the car, returning to the doorway where Clint stuck half his body out of.

“Just one more thing? Be mindful of what you say, Chester is picking up lots of words right now and he’s trying to repeat them. We don’t want to start bad habits early.” Her red painted nails gently patted Clint’s stubbly face before she was off, leaving the taller blonde a little dumbfounded in the doorway.

Mindful of what they said.  _ Fuck,  _ they couldn’t curse then. Well, that seriously limited his vocabulary, especially now that he had to be mindful of it.

* * *

“What do you mean we can’t curse?” Bucky asked, nose wrinkling slightly. “Do you have any idea how much Steve curses? That man ain’t the saint America sees him as - he’s as far as American Apple Pie life as you can get. And Pegs -”

“I know, I know,” Clint sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He was starting to get worked up now that they were alone with the baby, tapping his foot on the floor as he tried not to pace. “I know Peggy curses too - the both of them. It’s just what she said, alright? Mind your language and I ain’t gonna be the reason that kid’s new word is fu…” 

He paused, mouth still formed around the word. Bucky was smirking from where he lounged too comfortable on the couch, both of their eyes the door painted an annoyingly bright yellow. It reminded Clint too much of a bumblebee. 

“What was that?”

_ “Fudge-cracker.” _

He ignored Bucky cracking up from the couch, slowly stalking towards the door. Inside, was a well-put-together room that he, Steve, and Bucky had spent hours planning and putting together while Peggy, Natasha, and Jemma went shopping for more baby stuff they didn’t need. The walls were painted in a much softer yellow, with adorable, fluffy bumblebees, flowers, and soft clouds on every wall. In the crib laid a sleeping infant - if an eight-month-old could be considered an infant. 

Chester Edwin Carter-Rogers looked just like both of his parents with Steve’s shockingly blonde hair and Peggy’s bright hazel eyes and dimples. He already had three teeth in and according to Steve, those were a miserable few weeks with him crying and chewing constantly. Despite how no one mentioned it, it was well known how the serum in both parents affected Chester. He was a little more advance than normal kids his age and going by what they’d said the doctors had said - it was completely normal and expected. 

Still, Clint looked on in worry, counting the number of times Chester’s chest rose and fell. He watched the hand close around the teddy’s paw, grinning at something happening in his baby brain. Crap, this thing was adorable and almost made Clint want one.  _ Almost.  _

Turning around, with intentions to let sleeping babies lie, he didn’t expect to see Bucky  _ right  _ behind him. He jumped half a foot into the air, opening his mouth to curse. Instead, what came out was,  _ “Dick Zombie.” _

Bucky had to cover his mouth with the metallic hand, plates whirling to accommodate his movements. Clint could see the man’s eyes brimming with tears, a snort escaping from his fingers making him huff. All he could do was shove the guy out the door and half-close it behind him. 

“Dick Zombie?” Bucky snorted, the tears streaming down his face. He bent over, holding onto his knees, all the while laughing hysterically at the fuming blonde.

_ “Hey,  _ it was the only thing I could think of that wasn’t cursing in front of the kid. All we needed was little Chest to wake up and hear me say something else!”

“You do realize Dick is-”

“It’s a nickname too. And conveniently, it’s what you’re being.”

Sticking his tongue out at him, Clint stalked off to the kitchen, intending to take Steve and Peggy up on their offer of getting a beer or two. 

* * *

At eight thirty-seven, little Chester decided enough was enough with sleeping and let his babysitters know by the ear-splitting screech that caused Clint to jolt to his feet and spill the beer he was nursing.

_ “Throbbing Ginger Cracker.”  _

Ignoring Bucky’s crackling laugh, he left the man to clean the mess up while he tended to the baby. 

The poor thing was all flushed face, wet eyes, and making grabby hands at the tall blonde. He practically latched onto Clint’s shirt when he picked him up, cradling him just as he’d seen Steve done it. The poor thing hiccuped a few times, a few more tears dribbling down his cheeks. 

“Hey now,” he breathed, feeling just as expected, awkward holding the baby. Maybe he should’ve let Bucky come and get him. “What’s that fussing for? No need to fuss. Mommy and daddy are gonna be back soon, okay? It’s just you, me, and Uncle Bucky if he can still act right. You wanna come watch some tv with us?”

He’d take the babbling and attempting to chew on his fingers as a yes then.

Bucky was all grins when Chester came out into the room, Clint awkwardly plopping the baby into his lap. “Told you it wouldn’t be so bad. Look, he stopped crying cause of you and you held him!”

“I can hold a baby, Bucky, it’s...interacting with them. And he stopped crying  _ because  _ someone held him. Anyway, I’m fixing him a lil’ bottle - Pegs said he ate already. Might be hungry. See if he needs to be changed. That’s your duty.”

“Why? Reminds you too much of horse sh... _ hogger?”  _

Bucky shrugged when Clint snorted, Chester and his bright hazel eyes followed the noise into the kitchen and clapped along. All Clint could do was raise his brow to say  _ see?  _ His response was just to huff and roll his eyes, holding Chester in his lap. 

“Uncle Clint is silly, isn’t he? Overreacting. Isn’t that right? Whose, my lil’ man?” 

There was a soft silence in the living room, the only sound breaking it was the weird, antiqued grandfather clock in the corner, and the rustling sounds of clothes moving. Followed by an intense gagging sound from Bucky and Chester’s shrill laughter again.

“What the  _ dripping biscuit  _ did you eat, Chest? Holy  _ Arse Pipe,  _ you stink. I’d wake up crying too if I smelled like that. Clint, how did you not smell this?!”

“Must be all the horse hogger in my lifetime. Go change him while I get the bottle.”

“You’re a  _ failed dipstick sock,  _ Clint, do you know that? My senses are more advanced than yours! This is torture!”

“You’d think with such advanced senses you’d know when to clean out Alpine’s litter box.” All Clint could do was grin to himself as he heard Bucky grumbling in the baby’s room. The gags and giggles just made him laugh even more at the guy’s torture.

The baby’s screeches followed Clint into the kitchen, watching the bottle’s temperature cool down. He could hear Bucky playing with Chester, tickling him, followed by the screams and giggles. Repeating the silly alternative cuss words that Clint had said. Chester didn’t even know what they meant - just that Bucky was being an absolute idiot. 

“Alright,” the blonde sighed, plopping onto the couch and handed Bucky the bottle. “It’s cool enough for him. Go on, kiddo.”

Chester stared at him with a look that reminded Clint of Peggy when she was amazed that someone had the audacity enough to put a stupid plan of attack on the table. It just made him blink slowly and shrug his shoulders. “Dunno what you want, kiddo.”

“Of course you do! Tell him what you want, Chest. You want Uncle Clint to feed you?”

That babbling sounded an awful lot like a yes, still enough to make Clint frown. “No way. He can hold a bottle and feed himself. I’m not gonna be responsible for drowning...their...kid…”

The words trailed off when the Carter-Rogers kid made up his mind, throwing himself into Clint’s lap and seemingly enjoyed the panic reaction it brought Clint. He quickly scooped the baby up and bottle too, giving Bucky a look as he fed the kid. 

“It’s not my fault. The kid is just like Steve, he wants all the attention sometimes. Even if it’s just feedings. Look you’re doing great. Isn’t he, Chest?”

Alright so maybe the kid wasn’t so bad. He was adorable to beat when he was calm and eating and not smelling of a blowout. His hands wrapped around the bottle, one finger wrapping around the hand that was supporting the bottle. Alright, so maybe the thing did have him wrapped around his little finger. What could he do? Clint was a sucker for little ones sometimes.

The feeding and burping followed were replaced with Clint slowly trying to stand up with a babbling baby in arm. Bucky had gone out to the dumpster to dispose of the ‘nuclear’ bag and to get some fresh air in his lungs. He cursed as his feet shuffled, hitting the leg of the table and starting to stumble with baby in arm.

“ _ Mother of a donut!” _

The only thing Clint could do to protect Chester was curling himself around the infant, twisting his frame so his head hit the table and body taking most of the shock of hitting the floor. All Chester could do as Clint laid on the hard wooden floor, ears ringing and body aching was drool with his giggle.

“You’re lucky you’re cute,” he grumbled, feeling Bucky’s heavy footsteps as he ran back inside. Great, now he had a panic boyfriend. The guy was staring at him with bright eyes, the stormy gray filled with heavy concern as he spotted the pair on the floor.

“You’re bleeding,” he mumbled, kneeling by Clint’s head and touching the spot where the corner of his head had hit the table. He flinched as it was touched, the metal fingers cool against the spot. “What happened?”

Chester responded in babbling giggles, bouncing himself on Clint’s chest like it was a game. Clint just smirked at him. “What he said. I’m fine, Buck. Just a lil scratch, ain’t my worst wound yet.”

“I don’t speak baby. Alright, you. Let’s get Uncle Clint off the floor. You wanna play?” The look of Bucky’s told him he didn’t believe his boyfriend, but what are you gonna do without alarming the baby?

Rolling to his feet, still a lil unsteady, he shuffled into the kitchen, cursing again when he tripped over the change of hardwood to tile.  _ “Waffle herder!”  _ His ears were still ringing as he washed the bottle and his face off, using the toaster to inspect the cut on his head. Just as he had said, just a lil scratch. Maybe a bad bruise come morning, but it wouldn’t be an ‘uneventful’ night if he didn’t get hurt.

* * *

Stifling a yawn, Clint couldn’t help but bury his face into Bucky’s shoulder. He rubbed his nose along the man’s neck. Bucky yawned too, followed by Chester’s yawn being louder than any of theirs. And yet, still cuter as he buried his face into the soft blanket wrapped around him, sucking on his thumb.

“Is he still supposed to be doing that?” Clint asked, fingertips stroking the babe’s fine, downy soft hair out of his face.

Bucky shrugged. “Hell if I know. They didn’t tell us to stop him. Besides - he looks so cute, the little…. _ nugget.”  _

At exactly ten, the sound of car doors opening and closing reached Clint’s ears. He instinctively reached up to turn the aids down, having to have already rescued it from Chester’s teething mouth earlier. How was he supposed to know the kid had found it when crawling on the floor? Bucky still wasn’t amused about that.

_ “There’s  _ my lil man,” Peggy cooed, once poised hair now a wild mess of curls, lipstick recently touched up. She scooped Chester out of Bucky’s arms, the blanket falling to the floor to kiss his cheeks.

“We’re fine too, thanks,” Bucky grunted, pushing himself off of the couch and pulling Clint up. 

She pulled Bucky down for a quick hug, the guy grumbling when she kissed his cheek. It was only enjoyable because he hated the lipstick on him. “How was he? Did he give you too much trouble?”

“Peggy, easy,” Steve laughed, taking his coat off and shutting the door. There was an already fading bruise along his collarbone. He ignored Bucky’s raised brows and their elbows to draw attention to the hickey. Unconsciously, he adjusted the collar of his shirt. “I told you, Chester was fine with them.”

“I wasn’t the one constantly worried and wanting to check the cameras,” she scoffed, rolling her eyes.

Steve’s ears turned a shade of pink, busying himself in hanging up Peggy’s purse and coat in the closet too. “I was...just worried...not that you two...can’t…”

Bucky laughed, arm thrown around Steve’s shoulder. “Oh, hush it. You two are new parents, we expected it. I’m surprised you lasted  _ this  _ long on your first date out, but I can see why.”

Steve shoved Bucky off of him, adjusting the collar again and taking the babbling baby from Peggy’s arms.

“What happened to you?” Peggy’s eyes clocked the bruise on Clint’s temple, cool fingers brushing over the small cut.  _ “How  _ on earth did you find something to get hurt over?”

Clint shrugged, pulling his head back some. “It’s nothin’. I just fell, is all. Chester is okay too. We just had a little tumble. He thought it was a lil’ game. Anyway, we should get going.”

He smiled when Peggy hugged him, her face coming just to his chest. He squeezed her tightly, feeling her hands press against his side. “I’ll see you at the office Monday, enjoy the weekend off. Thank you two again. We...defiantly needed it.”

“Just name the second one after me?” Bucky pouted, ignoring Steve’s eye roll. “You already named him after  _ Phillips  _ of all people and knowin’ you two crazy minx, it’ll be a matter of..”

_ “Goodbye, James,”  _ Peggy said loudly, drowning out what Bucky was loudly pronouncing. “Say anything more and you’re lucky the dog will get a name after you.”

“Say bye-bye to Uncle Bucky and Clint, Chester before mummy kills Bucky.  _ Bye-bye!”  _ He waved Chester’s hand at them, the pair giving little waves back.

_ “Foo.”  _ The little pout of a babble coming from Chester, made them all pause, turning to give the little, chunky baby their full attention.

“What was that, Chest?” Peggy breathed, an excited look in her eyes. 

_ “Fook!”  _ He let out a giggle and smiles, falling back into his dad’s chest.  _ “Fuck-fuck!”  _

Bucky’s mouth fell open, a loud, airy laugh escaping him. Clint looked utterly horrified, eyes bouncing from Steve to Peggy. He shook his head, silently gesturing towards the baby.

“I-I didn’t - we didn’t!” he breathed. “I  _ swear,  _ Pegs, we didn’t say one curse word! I don’t know where he picked that up from, I-”

It was only then he realized how hard Peggy was trying not to laugh until she couldn’t hold it in anymore. Her hand falling to her chest and making Clint’s face feel flushed. “You didn’t,” she breathed, wiping the tears from her eyes. 

“I don’t...understand…”

“Michael - my brother? He spent the month with us and left just last week, the guy curses just as much as Steve does. I’m surprised it only took this long.”

“I hate you...all of you,” Clint grumbled, shoving his hands into his pockets. “You’re all a bunch of snaglehoffers, especially you Bucky.”

  
  



End file.
